Would you even know me or I you? Would I find a tape of you someday and hear your voice speaking to me? You never wanted me but I have always wanted you. What have I done in my life to have you walk away and never know me?
If I could change, could go back, could never exist would it make one minute of your life different?
I may never know a thing about you but that does not change who I am and how much I really want to know you.
But it is okay, I have learned how to cope with being the person that people do not acknowledge. The one the proper people are ashamed of and so I think maybe, just maybe I am strong enough to know that you are too ashamed of me to tell the world you are my father.
I forgive you Dad but I do not know if I could ever look you in the eyes.
Your daughter,
Trish
took a lot of courage, Trish
ReplyDeleteI hope you find resolution
Don't take on your father's failures and weaknesses as your responsibility or fault. He has missed out more in not knowing you than he could ever imagine. That has become obvious to me in the time I've known you.'
ReplyDeleteJoe
I want to add - it obviously was nothing you have ever done, as you were WAY to young. Maybe he didn't want to deal with all of the work of a baby... and it, you... grew from there. Maybe he didn't want to deal with your mom. Quite possibly he was ashamed about something and didn't want you to see his failure.
ReplyDeletePLEASE don't take it personally that he distanced himself. It really is his loss to not know what a wonderful lady you are.
I got tears now
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for your thoughts and encouragement. This is one of those things for me that I know others face. It just gets me down at times and I had to write this. :(
ReplyDeleteT